Raising Zazie
by BuggyChan
Summary: Imagine that the the Gung Hos actually raised Zazie from a baby. Now imagine that as they're raising him, normal child chaos insues. Yay! (co-written with Wolf-woman54(DISCONTINUED)


Raising Zazie

Imagine that the the Gung Hos actually raised Zazie from a baby. Now imagine that as they're raising him, normal child chaos insues. Yay!

Chapter one: New Baby

A/N: Hello readers, this is buggy and mines second fic together where the first one was taken off.

Buggy: not fair, well anyways Zazie is left on the doorstep of the Gung-ho gun's house. they decide to raise the little Zazie..

Wolf: but we don't know why... who cares.

Buggy: and as the Zazie is raised you already know many scary, funny, and crazy things are gonna happen.

Wolf: SO MUCH CHAOS! well, enjoy our new fic!

Legato is watching the TV happily in the Gung-ho household. Right next to him is a little baby about a month old crying his little heart out. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" went the baby. Legato, after many hours of listening to the crying baby and having failed attempts to use his powers to shut the baby up, he drowned out with the TV blasting as loud as possible.

Suddenly, growling with frustration, Knives storms into the room. He looks at Legato, then the TV, then the child. Covering his ears, he walks to the TV and turns it down. He points to the baby and looks at Legato. "What the hell is that thing?" he asks. Legato shrugs, still gazing at the television.

Knives, still growling with frustration, keeps on asking about the damn little spider. "why is it in MY house? why are you not killing it? AND WHY DOES IT SMELL BAD!?"

Legato calmly speaks out "He's in your house because it was found on the steps outside asking to take care of it. I'm not killing it cause my favortie show is on. And the smell is... well its a baby thing"

Curiously Knives pokes the baby, "Baby thing?" he asks again, "What do you mean by 'baby thing?'"

Legato keeps watching his show and speaks matter o factly like and says, "it took a shit in its diaper, ok!? NOW LET ME WATCH MY SHOW IN PEACE!"

Knives yells out "Damn little shitty spider! FAMILY MEETING!" The rest of the Gung-Ho Guns each come into the room, some of them angrier than the others. Dominique looks particularly murderous, seeing as she is in a bath towel. "Theres a damned spider in the house!" Knives continued to exclaim.

Dominique shreaks out with terror, "EEEK! KILL IT KILL IT! THE THING WILL BITE ME! WITH ITS BIG POINTY FANGS AND IT SCUDDLES AROUND ON ITS 8 FREEKISHLY LONG LEGS!"

Midvalley eyes the creature scrutinously and then smiles. "I dunno, I think its kinda cu-" He's cut off by the baby snapping down on his nose. "AH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" He stands upright and tries desperately to pull the thing off whilst Wolfwood points and laughs giddily.

Rai Dei grabs a hold of the baby and pulls it off of Midvalley's nose but then the baby grabs ahold of Rai Dei's hair and doesn't let go. Rai Dei screams in agony, "AGH! GET IT OFF! DAMMIT THAT HURTS! GET THE DAMN LITTLE BRAT OFF OF ME!"

Wolfwood, by this time, has fallen over and is unable to stand because of the pain in his gut. Dominique rolls her eyes. "Is that what you meant by spider? God, men are wimps..." She grabs the baby and pulls it away from Rai Dei, bringing a clump of his hair with. The baby takes one look at Dominique and stops screaming, just stares blankly.

"HOW'D YOU DO THAT?!" Legato asks, distracted from his show because of the damned evil commercial of doom for laundry detergent. "Even my powers couldn't do that!"

Knives smiles. "So its decided. Dominique you take care of the spider."

"Well, yeah, I guess you would be the ideal mother out of us all," Legato adds. "You /are/ a woman!"

Dominique shoots legato a death glare, "What's THAT supposed to mean," she says irratably, "Just because im a woman you think that I'M the perfect mother? IS THAT WHAT ALL OF YOU THINK!? WELL THIS IS WHAT I THINK! YOU'RE ALL SEXIST! BEING A WOMAN DOESNT MAKE ME A GOOD MOTHER!" She storms out of the room holding the baby in her arms muttering things about the other Gung Ho Guns being sexist and stupid and saying they were all gay. The baby just kept staring blankly at Dominique.

Legato smiles smugly. "Did you hear that? She said I'm sexy..." Everyone sweatdrops as they stare at the blue-haired wonder.

"Oh, yeah... Hm..." Knives continues, though the loud creature is free from their midst. "Wolfwood. You be the dad." Wolfwood, who is laying on the floor on his back breathing hard and trying to get his bursting gut under control, sits bolt up right suddenly and stares at Knives. "WHAT?! NO WAY!" But his argument reaches deaf ears as the rest of the team wanders back to what they had previously been doing, Legato's show being back on.

Wolfwood mutters under his breath about not wanting to be the dad and everyone else being assholes especially Knives making him be the dad to the little crapping machine.

Meanwhile Dominique has taken a liking to the baby and is, much to the child's disliking, puting him in a variety of dresses. Wolfwood steps into the doorway and raises an eyebrow. "You know, that kid is going to have a horrible and very disfunctional life..."

"After I get it dressed, I'm going to introduce it to the wonderful land of asparagus!" Dominique exclaims happily.

"OH NO YOU DON'T! If I'm gonna be the father of this creature, then /you're/ certainly not currupting it like that!" Wolfwood yells, snatching the baby from the giddy woman.

Dominique snatches the baby back from Wolfwood and yells at him, "I'm not corrupting Beatrix!" Wolfwood gives Dominique a funny look, "... Beatrix? Why in God's name did you name a boy 'Beatrix!?'" he yells.

"She is not a boy!" Dominique yells back.

"... it's a boy! I CAN PROVE IT!" Wolfwood screams back and lays the baby on the bed. He takes the crappy diaper off the baby and reveals the only proof that says that the baby is a boy. Dominique looks down at the baby then at Wolfwood then at the baby again.

Dominique crosses her arms. "Then its Zazie," she says haughtily.

Wolfwood makes a face. "What kind of a name is ZAZIE?! THAT NAME SUCKS!"

Dominuque's eyes suddenly light up dangerously. "Its Zazie, and its staying Zazie, ya dumb priest!" With that she picks up the baby, still in a frilly pink dress and a bonnet, and takes him into the kitchen to feed it mushed up grilled aspargus.

Buggy: Hope you guys liked it!

Wolf: Poor disfunctional little Zazie. Join us next time to see a fraction of Zazie at age TWO! Yes, two, the age where little brats learn to annoy us further by forming words out of those little screams and shrieks. What will little Zazie's first word be?

Buggy: How will he dress himself for the first time?

Wolf: Who will his idol become?

Buggy: All these questions and more answered in the second chapter: "Age Two"!

Wolf: We sound like weird announcer people on those crappy previews...


End file.
